What To Do, What To Say?
by Havah Kinny
Summary: Prince Caspian. Movieverse. "Edmund shook harder and I pulled him closer. My brother had never opened up about what she had done to him, now I understood why. He had repressed the memories, but seeing her again triggered his memory." Not slash, oneshot.


_**A/N Alright, so I tried to do one of these and it was kind of…a failure, so I'm trying again and this time I think it's better…I hope it is. This is based off of the movie, it's pretty minimally supported with fact or reference, it's really just something that I could see happening…I hope that you think it's alright, enjoy? Or at least try…**_

The cave cleared out slowly, first Susan and Lucy, then Trumpkin, Caspian and the others, leaving only Edmund and I. "Ed," I spoke to my brother, joining him where he sat on the broken table. "You need to get some rest if you're going to be fit for battle tomorrow." He didn't say anything, he didn't move. He just stared straight ahead, his eyes resting on the pile of ice a few feet in front of us. He wasn't blinking and his breath was so slight that I could hardly tell he was breathing at all. "Edmund, this battle's important, we all need some rest." Still nothing. I let out a deep sigh. "Ed, what's wrong?" Edmund just looked ahead as though nothing had changed, as though I hadn't spoken at all. "You're scaring me…" I put my hand on his shoulder and he jerked around, facing me, looking scared.

"I'm not sure I can do this." He looked at me with his dark eyes and I could see a sadness, a terror lining them.

"Edmund, what's gotten in to you?" I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again, but he jerked away from me quickly. "It's just me, I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're not…" Edmund glanced sideways at the ice on the ground. "But she was gone Peter, gone…and now…now I'm not so sure."

"Oh god…Ed…" I should have realized that this had gotten to him, but he'd seemed so sure as he walked away from the newly cracked ice, sword in hand. "I didn't even think about-"

"You never do." He turned again so that he was staring at the ice. "She was staring right at you and you just started back, completely entranced." My brother's voice was completely calm, monotone, and it scared me.

"I couldn't help it, she had me in some kind of-"

"Spell? Is that it? You think that was a spell? Peter, she's just captivating, persuasive, seductive! I KNOW this!" Edmund's voice finally changed, sounding scared, angry, and sad all at once. "Do you have any idea what could have happened if you or Caspian had let her go free?"

"It didn't happen Edmund," I put my hand on his back, rubbing it lightly.

"But it could have, Peter, don't you see?" He turned towards me, tears filling his dark eyes. "Peter, she would have killed you! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAVE YOU FROM HER BEFORE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND HOW POWERFUL SHE IS? OR IS IT GOING TO TAKE UNTIL SHE FINALLY GETS YOU?" I scooted back slightly, afraid of Edmund's outburst. His words hurt, but he had a point…I wouldn't admit it, I couldn't admit it, not to him, but he had me wondering the same thing. "DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO JUST STAND BY WHILE MY BROTHER DIES?!" Edmund shook his head, tears streaming down his freckled cheeks. "HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMART AND SO COMPLETELY STUPID AT THE SAME TIME?" I reached out and grabbed Edmund, pulling him into a tight hug. He struggled against my arms, pulling with all of his strength to get away from me, but I was still the stronger of the two. I let him hit me, try to pull away, but I wouldn't let go. Finally he sank in to my arms, shaking and crying. "It would kill me Peter, I couldn't stand it if something happened to you…" I rubbed his back soothingly as he sobbed into the crook of my shoulder.

"Shh, Edmund, shh." I let my right hand run down the back of his head, repeatedly smoothing down his dark hair. "Shh, it's ok."

"I've seen what she can do to people, I know what kind of torture she makes them endure, it hurts Peter, I don't want you to go through that…"

"I won't, Edmund…please try and calm down…"

"She'll beat you until you can hardly move, tie the gag so tight that you can hardly breathe, make the ropes so secure that your wrists will bleed…you'll wish you were dead, you'll beg for it." Edmund shook harder and I pulled him closer. My brother had never opened up about what she had done to him, now I understood why. He had repressed the memories, but seeing her again triggered his memory.

"Edmund, she's gone."

"Don't you get it Peter? She's never gone!" I had no idea what to say to him, comforting had never been my thing, always Susan, Lucy or mom…but mom wasn't here and Susan and Lucy couldn't know what Edmund had been through. "I thought that she was, but god…more than a thousand years later and she's still here, just waiting…"

"You destroyed her!" I made my words firm, trying as hard as I could to convince him that was I was saying was true.

"So did Aslan! She came back, there's no escaping."

"Yes there is." I continued to run his back and smooth his hair. "Ed, you did a brave thing just now, she's gone, I promise, ok?" I kissed the top of his head lightly. "You have my word that she'll never touch you."

"Yeah, well I'm not worried that she's going to touch me, she's already done that, hasn't she? I had the scars to prove it for over 20 years! No, I'm afraid that she'll come after you, after Susan, after Lucy…I don't give a fuck what she does to me." I wanted to tell Edmund that I admired his bravery, but that wasn't going to happen, not when I needed him to look up to me, to answer to me in battle…

"She won't touch them, I swear."

"YOU PETER! I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" Edmund pulled away from me and stared at me with his wide eyes. "You get careless sometimes, reckless, you forget about yourself in place of others and I'm afraid that it will cost us your life! Susan and Lucy, they can look after themselves, but you only see blades headed for other people, never the ones aimed for you…those are the ones that I have to deal with and one of these days I'm going to be looking the other way and when I turn around you'll be gone." Edmund let out a cough as he choked on a sob and I just stared at him in awe. All of this panic was caused by his worry for me?

"I'll be more careful Ed, I promise."

"Like hell you will; you say it now but you've said it before! If anything tonight was the perfect example of how much you still need to be watched, to be protected…" Edmund stood, wiping a few of his tears. "You think that you're the best because you're the oldest, that you're the strongest, the smartest…and maybe you are, but would it kill you get down off your high horse just once and see that there are people who care about you?" He left the cave before I had the chance to stop him, but I had the awful feeling that even if he had allowed me the opportunity I wouldn't have taken it. I couldn't find the words to tell him that I didn't have everything under control, that I would he dead three times over without him…that in the train station I didn't have that fight in my power, that I was powerless against the witch. I lay down on the table, knowing that when it came down to it I would just keep letting him go on thinking that I viewed him as worthless, a subordinate underneath my glory. I couldn't get over my ego long enough to tell my little brother that he needed me and that killed me.


End file.
